Subject: Re: !SKFF! Before We Remember the Future.1/3.PG-17.NEW. Date: Mon, 07 Sep 1998 04:35:12 -0700 From: Rauhnee Ranshanka Reply-To: sk_fanfic@PEAK.ORG Organization: Shadowynd Consortium To: sk_fanfic@PEAK.ORG Interesting title and a lovely start. I like this Ulysses. It's rather a pleasant change to like him. What's the series name? Part 2 can be a PWP very easily, but this isn't. They are rated NC-17 almost exclusively. Plot? What Plot? (PWP): Basic sex scenes, little by way of plot or lead up, that kind of thing. Spelling a wording notes sent to author only. Is their apartment an Enforcer complex or one they on their own out in town? What level are they on? It would be good minor foreshadowing to have Ulysses mention (in his head) the bandages/ pain/ drugs he's in/on before the action starts up. That first paragraph can accommodate it easily. At the end, while I like where it going, Nick seems to have recovered from crying a bit fast. Or am I jumping to conclusions and they plan to talk? Nick being that type does make sense -- a little action of any kind to take your mind of your problems (and the choice of distractions seems perfectly logical to me), but if he is it might be good to make some mention of that beforehand. Somewhere. Even by tacking on a few sentences at the end of Ulysses asking him or have Nick think it. Or Ulysses think about it. After eight years he should have a decent concept of how his partner thinks and acts, even if he missed at least one critical point. Future story ideas (more like stuff to answer in them) (I'll try to keep them out of the gutter for the most part, but I like it there. Lots of lovely bare fur. Blame Jack Bluepaw for my current distraction. He sent me the loveliest pic of J&C playing friday and I'm still working it off.) A lot of there work as flashbacks or having them muse about their past. A true PWP next. I'd love that and you've set the story up for it. There isn't (and can't be) enough around the SK fandom as far as I'm concerned. I got the impression that the Enforcers don't seem to be a very homophobic group. If this is true (or not), going further into whether Ulysses/Nick is out (why/why not). If one of them is, how did the other not find out for eight years? Do either have any special training? Exactly what is their assignment as partners? (pilot/gunner, part of a tank crew, car based, chopper, special ops, detectives) Why did Ulysses get a different partner after 2 years in? Why was Nick chosen? How long has Nick been in (beyond the obvious eight years)? Enforcer official polices regarding relationships, rank, and benefits would be good to include. Does anyone else notice the change in the Ulysses/Nick relationship? How serious are they about being lovers? As a pair and individually. For each: Gay or Bi? Have they been in a recent relationship? What mental scars do each carry from past experience? (lovers, society, family) What is their family life like? Do they want a monogamous relationship? Do they tend to have a series of lovers quickly or go for stretching between seeking the right one? How much experience does each have in the um ... hard facts ... of M/M sex? Do they have a favorite position or style? Is it conflicting? (2 dominates, two submissive, one likes BDSM and one can't deal with the concept, threesomes or group events, watersports ... I think I better quit here before this goes to the SlashKink List, but you should get the point by now). Are either in any level of intimate relationship already (even if it hasn't gotten to the sex yet .. or is never planned to)? Do they have mutual friends that know they aren't straight? Do any of them know they Ulysses and Nick have wanted each other for a while? How long has Nick been attracted to Ulysses? How strong is that attraction? What traits do they find desirable in each other? What habits/ traits don't they like about each other? They've lived together long enough to have a list. What are their 'house rules'? Does Ulysses get time off for his injuries? Was he treated at an Enforcer facility, a civilian one or is this a self-fixit job? Does he try to hide that he was shot? How does his CO respond to all of this? How does Ulysses explain the injuries? Will there be an investigation into Nick shooting the sniper? How does it go? Does command brush it aside, make a big deal of it (if they are homophobic) or do a cursorily but credible investigation and come to the correct decision because it was correct, not because of politics? In notes or stories, I'd like to see where your unit names comes from. 1st Platoon Warlords is not a usual name for law enforcement in a democracy or republic. Or is this a true AU? If that's the case, a little world background (what is different from the show) would be in order in either a prolog or notes file. Just saying 'Enforcers' there would work as well, maybe better at this stage. There doesn't seem to be much unit fraction within the show (not that we see much of them). The name just caught me off guard and I'm looking for an explanation of some kind. A last name for Nick would be a good thing to mention relatively soon. I know you said it in the notes, but mentioning their rank in-story would be a good idea soon. ----------------- Rauhnee Ranshanka; Katmin: MegaKat City Nexus ListHood SWAT Kat, Greeter and Snippet Gatekat http://www.peak.org/~dragon/index.html ***************************************************************** "No boom? No boom. No boom today. Boom tomorrow, there's always a boom tomorrow. What! Look, somebody's got to have some damn perspective around here. Boom. Sooner or later. BOOM! - Garibaldie, Sinclair, and Ivanova (Babylon 5) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Do not meddle in the affairs of certain dark furred gunner, . for he is a smart-ass and well armed. Do not meddle in the affairs of a certain Lieutenant Feral, . for she carries a bazooka and knows how to use it.