Date: Fri, 24 Jul 1998 18:35:59 -0400 From: Paul Kemner Subject: !SKFF! Secrets- Suggestion >I would like feedback over it, >criticism is welcomed. All help will be apreaciated. Good start to your story. I've sent some little language quibbles directly, but here's something for the list. > "Great party ay Gail?" Asked her friend, Stacy. > "So-so." She replied. ... This is a realistic conversation, but we know so little about Gail that we may not care much when she gets blown away. You probably don't want to write up a six-page bio on her, but it might be a good idea to put some little personality touch or irony in here. SK eps have that fairly often- "Want another doughnut?" "Naah- six is my limit." etc. So.. Some possibilities come to mind- and you can probably come up with more. Maybe Gail is getting tired of the whole newsbeat. She tells Stacy that she works her tail off on a story, the small fry get caught, but the bosses slip away. She told her boss that she wants to go back to reporting sports ( or the social scene, or whatever ), and she's passed the story she's working on to someone else- BAM! Or maybe she's enthusiastic- FINALLY she's going to nail the big cheese this time, this will be her big break, put that uppity Ann Gora in her place, -Bam! Or Stacy warns her that she's starting to go over the edge- She's going up against some powerful folks and she should be more careful. Gail replies that she has nothing to worry about because.... Bam! You get the idea- You might be able to work some of this into the story later- Who is the other reporter who has her notes now? Are they still working on the story (but carefully and in secret)? Why did Gail think she had nothing to worry about? Or it could just make us sad that she was shot, because she didn't like the work anyway, and was quitting. Either way, it would put a little extra punch into the beginning of the story. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- This list is sponsored by PEAK,Inc. ISP and Education Center Public Electronic Access to Knowledge,Inc http://www.peak.org 850 SW 15th Street Corvallis Oregon 97333 (541) 754-7325